I Cry
by Hisoka
Summary: Megumi's thoughts of how her past affected those dear to her.


1 I Cry  
  
A Rurouni Kenshin fanfiction by Heli-chan  
  
Disclaimer: Watsuki-sensei sent me a note saying that I needed to take care of Megumi while he is on his vacation in Hawaii. He said I could do with her whatever I wanted as long as I didn't pair her up with Houji, so this is what came from it. So you can blame Watsuki-sensei for this.  
  
Oh, and if you see three tall men dressed in black suits and carrying ominous suitcases, tell them that I've travelled to Timbuktoo and that my lawyer will throw herself out of the window if they sue me.  
  
Lunatic's Ramblings: This piece is about Megumi's thoughts of her deeds and the way she met Kenshingumi. This is very vague and absurd, so please be kind. Rating around PG, PG-13 for language.  
  
  
  
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"…no matter what you say, you were the one who made the deadly opium…"  
  
I killed them. I killed all of them. Those poor souls, who were too addicted to what I made, those poor men who had no fortune left. I killed them. I killed everyone of them.  
  
"That opium killed my friend!"  
  
…I killed his friend. I caused him pain. I caused everyone pain. Ken-san… Yahiko… Even he protected me, nearly losing his life. He protected me when I was too cowardly to protect myself. When I was going to run away. They all protected me.  
  
"Kenshin's fighting for you! You can't abandon him now!"  
  
She made me see their sacrifices. She made me see that they would rather be killed then hand me over to Kanryuu. She made me stay and see what my running away would cause, what my past would bring upon them. Pain. Nothing else but pain. All the time. They suffered because of me.  
  
"Welcome home, Megumi!"  
  
Home… My home was burned. I have no home, like I have no heart. After all, I am a murderer, just like he is. He wants me back to his bed, he wants me to make more his precious opium, he wants me to kill people more and more and more… I. Will. Not!  
  
"We'll go to Hell together…"  
  
I will not cause anymore pain. I will end it all by myself, stop their suffering, destroy what I know with us. I will pay for my crimes and so will he. We will both die to atone our sins. No more hurting, no more pain. Everything will end here, tonight. The opium dealing, the killing. His life, and my life, too. It will end. I am going to end it now.  
  
"So that I wouldn't make the same mistake as I did with the last doctor, I treated you well!"  
  
It hurts. It hurts so much. He is so much stronger and I can't defend myself. Not without my knife. His strikes… They hurt. But I deserve this. I deserve this for what I've done. How could I be so foolish as to think that I stop him? Even if I die, I can't stop him. He wants to torture the information out of me. He will do it, I'm sure. And I will tell him, and it will be a one sin more for me to answer in the afterlife. Gods, how it hurts…  
  
"I ran away to hold them out of this… but why? They're fools…"  
  
They came for me. Even when I made them believe I was fine, I would be going back to Aizu. They didn't believe my lie. They came to get me back. Ken-san, Sanosuke, Yahiko. They came to take me back with them. They can't do that, Kanryuu's men are too strong for them! Shinomori is too strong for them! They will die, they will die! So foolish of them… They will get hurt, killed… Why did they come?  
  
"A painful life or a peaceful death?"  
  
There were gunshots. He killed them. They died because of me. I killed them. I… I… killed them because I couldn't kill myself. They're dead…  
  
"However, I'm relieved to find you safe and sound."  
  
They survived? How come? Kanryuu shot them, with his Gatling gun! They are still alive! …They are hurt. Ken-san is bleeding. They are hurt because of me. I still ended up hurting someone, even when I thought I wouldn't hurt anyone anymore. It will end now. The very reason that endangered them will disappear permanently. They won't have to suffer because of me ever again. I will take my life with this knife and repent my sins that way. I will pay their blood with mine. Farewell, my friends.  
  
"You stupid bitch! Kenshin and Yahiko fought for you! They risked their lives for you and you're just going to let it be for nothing!"  
  
What? Why did he stop me? I could have ended this all so easily, I could have paid for my crimes. Why did he stop me? I could have ended this life of lies, this life of causing pain and suffering. Now he is hurt and he is bleeding and he is suffering. He is hurting, just like Ken-san is, just like everyone else are, because of me! It could have been ended so easily… Why did he stop me?  
  
…It seems like it was a different lifetime. Now I know why he stopped me. He stopped me so that I can repent my sins in another way. By living and helping other people to live. I can give life instead of taking it. I owe him… no, them, a lot. I will not forget my deeds easily and I know I will cry because of what I have done, but it doesn't matter now. What matters is that they gave me my life back. And for that I want to thank them. 


End file.
